There is a preconceived notion about dating that makes it less than appealing to the average person. The idea of spending endless hours with a person only to eventually realize that they are not what you’re looking for can be draining. This is reflective of the experiences that the younger generation encounter.
Single moms present an entirely different scenario when dating. There are many great times and memories to be gained, but there are also a few important things to consider before asking out your single coworker who has children.
Chances are, most single moms date whenever they find time to do so. They don’t obligate themselves to date others but enjoy an evening or night out with other adults when the time allows. There is a lot to manage as a single mom and the last thing she needs is a mate who needs to be managed also. Make sure you understand that single moms are busy but capable. They can make time for a person they enjoy spending time with, but dating is not a priority. You can rely on her to make the most of the time available if she enjoys your company, but only when almost every other area of her life is as it should be. Children fed, work done, house cleaned, and appointments met are all examples of what must happen before she meets you for dinner. After completing these tasks, she looks forward to sitting down to some adult conversation that stimulates her mentally.
Forget the traditional meaning of the world dating and understand that every ounce of her time is measured. A single mom that gives you 5 minutes or more of her time via phone, text or in person has just enjoyed a date with you. This may sound funny, but it’s true. Time is valuable and rare in the life of a single mom. Do you know the damage a toddler can do in 5-minutes? There are many other things that she could be doing with her time but instead, she spent a few minutes inquiring about your day or listening to you complain about the coworker who never shows up on time. When dating a single parent, you must be willing to value her time as much as she does. Realize that every second of the day is accounted for and can’t be gotten back once it’s gone.
Everyone loves children, right? No one loves a child like their mother and if dating a single mom, realize that her children will always be there. Even when they are away at camp, visiting the other parent or grandparents, on a playdate, with the babysitter or elsewhere, they are always on their mother’s mind. This is common and to be expected. But what does it mean for someone dating a single mother? It means that all plans are made with the children in mind. It also means that the decision to date is one that is greatly influenced by the children. Kids are different and the way they perceive someone dating their parent will vary. If you are someone that lacks patience, understanding and a strong love and commitment for children, you should not be dating a single mom. Chances are, she won’t date you for long if those characteristics aren’t present.
In some cases, the ex or children’s father may still be involved in the life of the mom. Everyone encourages a strong co-parenting relationship. This may be difficult for people on the outside to accept, but it is what’s best for the children. As someone dating a single mom, you should always want what’s best for the kids. Pick-up dates may be mixed-up, which might lead to canceled dates. It may be necessary for mom to attend activities with her ex, if only for the happiness of the child. These should be expected and not frowned upon. However, it may be difficult to watch her interact with an ex. Interaction is a necessary step towards growth and healing after a separation or divorce. Single moms bring a sense of security and overwhelming confidence to any relationship. The ex has helped her to realize everything she wants to avoid in a relationship.
You may be the one that typically takes days to call back or return a text. However, dating a single mom could place you on the other side of that table. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy the last conversation or date. The truth is, she’s got so much to do and will get to you when she gets to you. That’s the life of a single mom. She may think of you countless times throughout the day but never answer a call. Her intentions are good, but life is better. Single mothers find a way to make life fit their schedule, even in the world of dating.
This article was originally posted Midlife Single Mommy
I am an older single mom, business owner, and blogger. I enjoy connecting with like-minded people and hope to establish some great relationships with other older single moms with young children. Being a parent is a blessing no matter what age you are but being an older single mom, with a younger child, comes with its own unique challenges! Let’s embrace them together.